The Pieces That Make Us

 

The morning sun rising January 23, 1965 was born a small boy, full of life and energy – God’s gift to his mother and father. The second of two boys his mother wished him well. Seeing a son full of life never knows where or how he will end up in life. He would go through kindergarten, preschool, elementary, middle school, high school then to college. What high hopes for such a son who was born to her? As he grew just like any parent does you wonder? How will we raise him? What about money, food and shelter? You know they did get us through those times and we survived. We did it through God.

Now as I grew up I remember vividly waking up every Sunday and going to church, regardless of the weather or excuse. You know I would wake up as I got older and wanted to just lie in bed not wanting to go, but they made me.

I remember in preschool playing in the classroom at church and my mother helping with it. She was always there doing something, but at that time I never realized what affect it would have on me until later years. As a child your thought process is limited with no worries just enjoy life and be free. I reflect back to those days as a child and wonder what it would be like to be a kid again, you know one day we will but you have to work toward that day and give it your best and have faith.

Moving on alone, in and around 1975-76 as I grew older my parents started getting involved with our youth, now I was not old enough to be in it but got to go because they were part of the youth. Now to backup just a tad, I do remember one day my brother and myself were in the front yard throwing a football and I remember our church music director, Raymond Ball and a deacon drove up then went inside. About that time my mom called for me so I went in, this is when she said they are here to talk to you about Jesus, accepting Christ as my Savior. I went in they talked and I prayed, now I was around 9ish so my mind was not quite thinking what I needed to, so after the prayer they talked some more and left. I did not think too much about it after that, after all I was young. Back to the story, after my parents got involved with the youth and went everywhere they went I met one person who would change my life and be my Mentor for life, his name was Scott Pace. He took me under his wing and led me. I always looked up to him, even today I reflect back to him. Well as time went on I remember being at a youth camp and preacher was talking about Christ then at the end he had an invitation time, “He said these words if you are lost you have a chance to accept Christ as Lord and Savior” everyone started to sing and I walked down and asked Christ to come into my heart, I was 11. After I done this sat down my mom came down telling me how proud she was of me. In my mind I was thinking how am I supposed to feel now, but I had asked Christ into my heart. I was going to heaven when I died.

Now as I got older I got to where I was still going to church but I felt it was a motion, a put on. When I done something wrong I felt bad and knew there was more to this Christian thing than just walking the else. Back then there was training union I remember in the 9th grade I was there one night and we were going over Revelations and the teacher said that one day the entire world will be able to communicate with one another (internet) and that this would be one more sign of the prophecy of Christ return. I remember reading about dragon heads, Satan and other bad things, honestly it scared me to death, but being too young to really understand it, I kind of dropped it.

“Going Slow Down”

Time keeps going and we get even older and sometimes out of touch with God, my youth days came and went and my mind more focus on good times not church and God. You go through the motions a pretend Christian, we have all been there. Well while in the youth I learned that I am supposed to grow as a Christian but never really understood that concept so I kept moving on but it was always in my mind. What am I supposed to do? As I turn to high school and graduated in 1983, my mind for church strays further. I know it sounds like I am a hopeless case but there is hope. This is where a lot of us get to in our life, some pull through others don’t. I had tried smoking well before high school but never picked up the habit. You know walking around seeing a cigarette on the ground light it. But the big thing was when I was working at Winn Dixie grocery that one night I finally bought a can of beer and drink it. Yea I got a buzz, I had always heard you get a buzz and now I got it. My mind was floating and everything was slow, well that was just beginning. Once I done that I drink more and went to whiskey. I remember going out getting drunk and waking up some mornings not knowing how I got home, called a black out. I came home one night and was 2 miles from home bent over to get some and centered 3 mailboxes, damaged my car. With a hangover I would wake up feel bad and say won’t do that again and of course next weekend here we go again. This would go on for years….

Remember Church? A place where you go and worship God…the bad thing is I was still going sitting on the back row looking at my friends and saying dude you look awful, we were all hung over. The preacher would preach and it was always directed at me, I knew I was doing wrong. I would tell myself I need to stop, but I wouldn’t.

“Grizzly Mom of Horror”

Then it happened, came in one night earlier, now I would not stay out to late. I would respect my parents. I had gotten home being quiet when my mom walks in… looking very disappointed she looked and told me, you smelled like a brewery. She hit me over the head and went to bed. The next morning she came in there and told me to get out of bed, my head was pounding. I got out of bed and went to church. You know that may not sound too bad to you but I did feel my mom’s pain and knew I hurt her.

Walks of life, as I grew up habits never changed. My first year of college I went to a college called Hinds. I would go out on weekend’s party have a good time and church got further away. I would go some or if I would go the one hour would not go fast enough for me. I got to where I would get out of church go to someone’s house you know they would have some beer so let’s drink.

Now I did not drink all the time if it sounds like, but I would like a beer now and then. Oh also came smoking… beer and smokes, I was cool, so I thought.

Now back to my college years. Second year here comes USM, this was in 1985. Away from home, no curfew, do what I want and that is what I did. My grades showed it, I failed at USM. My grades were .95 and .97. My dad once told me he did not know if I would make it or not. You have to have priority in place. Well back home I went and one more year of Hinds 1986-87 and I dropped out of college, POOF!!

I started working at MS Valley Gas as a meter reader. Now I enjoyed this job, great benefits had a future, if I wanted it.

Then I went to a game at USM one weekend and stayed with some friends. Met a girl there we started dating. Now she lived in Georgia, so one weekend I drove to Georgia and met her parents. She had described her home and I imagine this very nice house, well it was ok, nothing to brag about. Nothing like I expected but anyway her mom asked me what I done for a living. I told her where I worked and that I was a meter reader. EGGG wrong answer…you want a wake up in life, tell someone’s mom whose daughter is going into opera that you read meters for a living. The expression on her face was a kick in my butt. A major wake up call for me but it could have been the best thing that could have happened to me. Now a meter reader is not a bad thing, let me clear that up. I done it for a while and loved it. Anyway we dated for a few months and broke up because she cheating on me with her boss.

On my return home I talked to a friend of mine and told him we need to go back to school. I am around 20-21 years old and the year is 1988 and my friend, Brian, go to Southern Technical College to check it out. 11k for 2 years of school, lot of money so we decide to run down to Phillips Jr. College. It was still around 10k but we did sign up and started going. My parents had told me this is my last shot for school. It had been a 1 ½ years since I was in school. I was still working at MS Valley Gas but in a new position in the Engineering dept. Since starting this job I had left the company once to do electrical work but got laid off so I went back to MVG. So now I am working eight hours during the day and going to school at night. Man what a sacrifice making something of my life. You see it’s amazing what one person will say will make you do.

As Brian and I went through our school years the 1st year we would leave sometimes and go listen to a band at a club call POETS then go back to class. The good news I was maintaining a 3.6 GPA plus I was on Deans and President List almost every time. I was slowly getting my life corrected. I was still drinking because I enjoyed beer and partying. I had one of the teachers tell me one time that between Brian and I that he saw me being more successful than Brian. He said he had watched the two of us and that I was more motivated and focused. You know that made me feel good and encouraged me to try harder. My second year at Phillips I still maintained my grades and met my first wife there. I graduated with a 3.69 Avg. in Digital Electronics and Computer Associates Degree. I accomplished something big in life. My parents were proud of me.

All this was all great but if you notice there is no mention of God and church… what happened to it… I stopped going. Where were all teaching values, there were there but not being used? I had nothing against the church, I would go but I was living a lie.

Anyway I got out of school got my first job with a computer company called Jostens Learning Corp. in 1990. Thought it was going to grand… well guest what the old devil had other plans for me. I moved in with two girls one of which was my future wife. My parents were crushed. Started my job, they flew me to San Diego, CA and when I got back my boss said call me. I did and here is the bad part, she said I need you to go to New Orleans to work so I did. I was a tech for schools on the road constantly. I drove over 36000 miles in 6 months and got 1 ticket a month. I got to where I hated this job always on the road. Finally as I reflect back God came to my rescue, here I was about to get married to my first wife at Woodville Heights Baptist Church checking on everything for the wedding when I came across a guy called Bob Sims. I remember telling him what I did and I wish I could find something else, upon asking him if they had any jobs he spoke those words I had lone for, I believe we have a job opening. Well this just makes my day great and my heart was pounding. Finally I may get off the road and have a normal 8-5 job. He gave me the info and sometime within the next week or two I went to a job interview at JTC, Inc. and got that job. I thought everything was falling into place, but it wasn’t. Yes this was a hurdle I overcame but where was God in my life, nowhere. I never thought of Him or gave him the glory, but he knew what was going on and where he was going to lead me. I started my job got married moved to South Jackson in a rental house. Life was great… for a while.

After a few months of marriage we started talking and with the help of my dad we talked about the money we were losing renting when we could be buying a house. I wanted to move to Brandon, MS but could not afford it so we looked in Pearl, MS. Some houses were good some were awful. Well we found one we like and started talking to the guy, he was a jerk. But anyway we talked and it finally got sold underneath us. This was crushing blow but within two weeks had someone call use and said there was another one for sale. We went and looked at it put a bid on it and got it. The house was around the corner from the other one. We bought and moved in…

Being a newlywed and full of life we started out life, things were going well until the arguments started. Six months into the marriage I wish we would have never done it. We fought and wined… Finally 1 ½ years later we divorce. What a burden lifted I was single and free. Now what….Hey club seen…

“I’m Free”

I started going out meeting people but it was not the same, it was fun at first but after a while it got boring. I finally remember I was out at a club one night, place where I normally go and was sitting with some friends. I remember telling a female friend why am I here? I do the same thing every weekend. I told her I am leaving; this was around 9:30 PM (early). I went home that night and never went out to a club by myself. That may have been the last one I went to, this was 18 years ago. I remember I was not drunk I just got bored. “I reflect back and now know this was God”.

You ever make a choice and then realize it was the right now. After I chose to leave that night I ended up calling a girl someone had introduced to me on the following Weds. Well she said she was busy so she gave me another girl’s number. I called her and she came over that Friday November 11, 1998 at 7:00 PM. We started dating and got married 5 months later.

“Fatherhood”

Everything was going good we got alone great then it happened. The mornings of all mornings…. I was outside getting ready for work when my wife of 4 years comes out when a pen looking thing and showed me and said “we’re having a baby”. Talking about a flash before your eyes, it was like a time warp your whole life flashing before your eyes and nothing you can do. I remember looking at her and saying ok. The bazaar thing is we were building or talking about building a house. So this was two things going on.

Time goes on we start building the house, we had already sold our other house and living in a trailer. By the time our first born was born, it was girl (Haley), we were still building the house, the trailer was extremely cramped and I was ready to get out of it. We finally get moved into our new home, two weeks before Christmas 1998 everything look good. Got my daughter, wife we are a family.

The clouds start forming over me again… we are not going to church. I still drink (too much) I liked beer. When I worked outside I would have a beer, then I would drive knowing it was wrong. I was not staying at home and taking care of my daughter’s needs I was relying on my wife to do those things unless I was there, but at the time did not recognize that. I would go around to my neighbors talk to everyone there, drink and throw darts. What was wrong with that nothing that I saw? I was not going to the clubs, I had good neighbors, and if she needed me she’ll call.

The thunder starts… My life was going on but still was not going to church much, once in a while, maybe. God uh who needed church I am getting my yard work done on Saturday…oops not done on Saturday I would finish it Sunday morning. Sounds great, sounds like most people in the world. It was all about self, pleasing myself, but God knew what was happening he saw what I was doing. I know in my mind I was doing wrong but the warning sign was not enough. It was going to take a major storm siren to get my attentions. Then it happened. The one thing I had always wondered about.

“When We Don’t See the Signs”

Let me backup for a minute… you see with my previous wife, roughly 6 years earlier, we had a fight one night and I went out. It was a place called The Dock. It was in the wee hours of the night I was drive back home and a cop pulled me over. Now I had been drinking and was drunk. The cop asked me if I had been drinking and I said yes, he ask where I was going, I said home. He told me to pull over and call home to get a ride and he said if he sees me move before my ride gets here he would take me in. I agreed, called home and waited, waited and waited. Well to me it took too long, so be stupid like I was I got in my car and drive off. The cops were watching me and on the on ramp they pulled me over, handcuffed me put me in the car. While sitting there I told myself how stupid I was… about that time the door opens and the cop said your ride is here. Told me I was lucky. I slept all the next day… thinking that I would never do that again I went on with my life.

This was one wakeup call for me but I did not see the lights turn on to understand. This was God trying to get my attention but I wasn’t watching and did not care….

“Gods Tired of Me – Rock Bottom”

Now back to my story about the major storm siren… I had a friend I had known for years come into town. Before he got into town I told him Jubilee Jam was going on and we need to go. This was a big party in downtown Jackson. He arrives in town we talked and it got time to go he said he would drive but I insisted that I would. So I drove, we went to a couple of places before going there talking to some people he had not seen in a long time. We had not drank anything so it was not that bad. Anyway we get to downtown and going in to the JAM. Well what do you do when you go, drink. So we drink and drink; now I am pretty buzzed by now. The band was playing and we were talking to friends have a good time. Some of them say they are going to The Dock afterwards. I said we may show up. We get to the car start driving down Pascagoula Street heading to the interstate. Now we are talking not paying attention to much around us when I start drive down under the tunnel then we cross over another street and instead of taking the exit to go home we take the one going North I-55 towards The Dock. That is when I look up and see a cop with his lights on. I get off at Fortification Street pull over. I remember like it was yesterday: he gets on the loud speaker and says passenger get out with your hands up, backup and get on your knees placing your hands on head. Then they call to me to get out and do the same thing. In my mind I knew there was no getting out of this and I realize if only I would have let him drive. I knew what was coming, so I did what they asked. I remember it being around 11:30 PM. They processed me and my BAL was .181, remember it well. I finally got a DUI. I remember riding down to the station they told me to remove all items and take my shoe strings out. I told them what I am going to do hang myself for a dui. I got hand printed and my own photo with numbers. All I could think about is how I could of like this, what about my family. One thing I did think about was my daughter; she was too young to know anything. When my wife got there to bail me out she just looked at me. I remember her saying “I was wondering what it would take to slow you down”. It was 3:30 AM when I got home, slept most of the day.

That Monday I had to call all these places to schedule classes to attend I lost my license for 90 days. I had someone come and pick me up and take to work and to my day class I had to attend. Once I finished that class I had to attend another class at night in Rankin County. This is the class that finally broke me and woke me up, all because of what one man said who was leading the class. I had heard each person give their account of why and how they ended up in this class. In other words, their excuse, mine was just stupidly. Anyway he said that 30%-40% of you in the room will end up back in here. When I heard this it was a major slap in the face. Truly it had to have been God talking because it still sticks in my mind. This scared me to death, I am sitting there thinking, if I end up in hear again I will serve jail time or more. It really had a major impact on me to where I did stop drinking for a while. During all this time I was smoking but after all this I remember laying on the couch on day, throat draining, coughing… telling myself I am tired of all this, something has to change. I told myself it was time to change something, so I decided to quit smoking and I did, that has been about 12 years ago around 1999, it is Sept. 2011 now.

If you notice through this entire testimony my life has been up and down, but the one thing that has been missing is me going to church. I would get a voice in my mind some saying you need to be serving Me. I would ignore it and keep going, but God had other plans for me. I did quit smoking and that was an act of God, this was his 2nd victory over me but little did I see it or recognize it. I was still blind to the fact that God was in controlled. He let me go to the bottom and now He was trying to piece me back together a step at a time.

After my dui ordeal I would have a beer here and there and would drive some, but I was always scared. I always thought what if I get pulled over again, do I really want to go thru all this stuff again. I remember the sentence “30%-40% of you in the room will end up back in here”. I started to be more aware of what I was doing and but I was not there yet.

“Gods Voice”

I started mentioning to my Misty about church. We had gone to First Baptist when our daughter was born but stopped. I told Misty that we need to start going. If nothing else for our daughter so when she got older she would know. We looked around and visited the First United Methodist church in Brandon. We went there for a while until one Sunday I was in the service and really watched how the service was ran when I notice the prayer was read instead of spoken from the heart. When we got home I told my wife that and I was not comfortable with it. I said we need to look at another. Well along time ago we went to Park Place Baptist so I told her lets go there. We started going there and got to know the people and involved in the Sunday school.

As you notice I have started climbing the faith latter some but still have not really thought about it. God was starting to mold me.

Anyway, upon slowing starting to go to church more we had another child, a son. We ended up moving our membership to First Baptist Brandon. We had previous been members of the church before our daughter was born but afterwards we stopped going as much. We found us a Sunday school class and I still wasn’t living the life I should of and we were going through the motions. I wanted to get involve but was in limbo… until…

“How God Shows Himself”

Well roughly 4- 5 years ago I saw they were showing “Facing the Giants” at Shiloh Park. I told my wife we need to go, it was a free movie. Upon Getting there I started see a lot of people we knew. It was a campaign year because Michael Guest was running for DA. I started watching the moving and it really moved me got me thinking that I need to do more and can do more. As I look back at this situation God placed me at that movie so a friend could ask me to volunteer for VBS. She came to me after the movie and said that somebody said you may help if I asked for VBS. I helped VBS and ended up with 4-6 kids ask Christ into their hearts. The feeling I had during that week was amazing and I so sadden when it was over. I did not want to let go of it because it was a feeling I had never experience and wanted more of it.

As time moved on I saw myself do more with the church and getting involved with other things. My Christian life was starting to bloom. I was taking baby steps but I was making progress. The upcoming paragraphs may be off some just trying to remember everything… anyway the next step has been the biggest event in my life that changed everything and gave me the kick start I have needed.

This was the year our church had some big events coming: Ken Freeman revival and Living A Legacy. Now I had been helping in church with Kids Kamp and VBS still doing my own thing, putting myself first and not God. Not acknowledging things that much and doing things like I had always done.

 

“Beginning of the End 2008”

Well here it goes the “Beginning of the End”. As you have read through these pages you have seen how I went from church goer to limbo, that’s all I will say right now. Anyway, our church started talking about Ken Freeman. Well I started reading about him and watch YouTube videos of him and wondered who this guy is. Everybody was talking about how he preaches and people turning over their life to God. The more I heard the more I wanted to hear him. The buildup was getting enormous and that was all you heard. The he came, the one revival that would clip my wings and make me really open my eyes.

Now you have been revivals before where some are good and last forever and ever. Well that is one thing that was going through my mind. This person will come and talk and we will go through the motions. It was not like that…..

Here is a guy in blue jeans, flip flops and t-shirt. This is a basic guy who could reach people through his testimony of his life. I thought what is different of his life and mine, I saw him as an evangelist share what God done in his life. The revival started on Sunday and we heard him that morning and I was amazed of how he spoke and spoke of, then once it was over I was ready for more of it. I went back that night and he preached and expressed himself so well that I started looking at my life and what I had done and where I was and where I needed to be.

You see, God never leaves you. He may let you be for a while so you can make the correct decision or not. I had had feelings before in recent years but ignored them. You know what I am saying, when the Holy Spirit speaks to you and you want to just burst and cry out. Any Christian can tell you that if God is talking to your heart pure it will make you want to cry, I have been there to many times.

Now back to Ken Freeman, Monday night, Tuesday night went on through and my heart was crying out for help, but I was holding back. I was seeing people walking the isle every night and my thoughts were telling me you need to do something for Me. This was God talking to me, making me see my faults and what I needed to do to change my life. Then the last night came, the one night he had been talking all week. The one night he would tell his testimony of his life and how he got to where he was today. Now we were having two services each night and they were full every night. But this one night it was different, he had gone to the schools and told the students to come this night to hear him. I remember it like yesterday, all the people showing up to hear him. I know that every night I went I wanted the next day to hurry up and get over so I could return and hear the rest of the messages. Then 6:00 pm came the last night of the revival, he walked up to the microphone and said, I been telling you all week I would tell you my testimony and here it is.

Ken Freeman was born in a very abusive family, his mother was a drug addict and would stay out all night come in late drunk and abuse him and his sister. She had several boyfriends, one which raped his sister when she was 7 years old. He said he pretended to be a sleep when this happen so he would not harm him and he saw this happen to his sister. His real dad was not around that much and moved off. Freeman said that when he would try and talk to his dad about accepting Christ his dad would change subjects. Freeman made a goal to find his dad and try to lead him to Christ. Someone he knew contacted him and told him where he dad was and he went to meet him. They had not talked in years but once they met and talked for a while upon that visit he was able to lead his dad to Christ. His dad died a short time later, but his mother never accepted Christ. As far as his sister he tried to get her to but she fell into the same path as his mother, she died without knowing Christ.

Once my mind process all this I was really blown away, teary eyed and feeling God really talking to me I knew I had to change something or do something. I was on fire for the Lord I wanted to run out and tell the world. But you know we get that feeling that high then it will fade. So what do you do, get involved. What did I do, get more involved within the church. Once the revival was over it was depressing because I was around good Christian people and the feeling I was having overwhelmed me and I did not want that feeling to leave.

“My turning point:”

This revival change me completely, it open my eyes and made me realized that I had accepted Christ; I got baptized but had not really been saved. This has been 35 plus years ago, I am 46 now, that I walked the isle at Woodville Heights Baptist Church in South Jackson. I was only going through the motions because my action wasn’t showing it. Things did not bother me that much, but you know it is always that one thing in life that will make you open your eyes and realize that you need to change and open up your heart to Gods word and voice. Listening to the revival made me see that God had a purpose for me and I needed to take more steps of finding it. I saw how God change one man’s life from a life or ruin to being a great evangelist. If God could do that for him he could do it for me.

I sit back and reflected on my life during this event and saw where I failed, saw how bad and screwed up my life has been. I saw how I had hurt my parents on things I had done in the pass. I started doing the right thing and started acting with God and listen to his calling or I was not going to make it. He had finally got His voice to sink in my heart. He made me see how life if great with Him and he is willing to save any soul that is willing to open up and say “I want to be yours”. He will do the rest, if we only let him take control of our life.

Upon pondering on everything and my heart had opened up fully and listening to God I finally realized that I could now call myself saved. I knew what it meant to be saved and what I needed to do.

Let me go back just a bit, at this time I was helping in areas, but God told me to do more. So if I recall I believe I help teach a Sunday school class. I was helping with the media group and learning everything I could there. All of this was in the spring 2008 and I knew we had two other events so we started preparing for them. We had the building campaign “Living A Legacy” where we had the huge event and had people commitment cards stating they would help pay the debt off, it was at 4 million. That is a lot of money, but we were confident that we could do it, the membership was up we had almost 200 saved during the Ken Freeman revival. After all our events happen and things slowed down so does the feelings and the times. As we were trying to pay off the debt the church had this big picture of buying more land, which meant more debt. There were 70 acres next to our property they want for 2.2 million, now in my opinion when you are trying to pay off a building and have commitments you do not want to come up and add more. Well they voted on it and it passed, thinking everything was fine the church started going through those motions. Not I am not condemning the church but when I start seeing certain signs you know something will happen eventually. This takes me on my next journey.

Now like I said I don’t like to condemn actions of a church but when you realize things going on and the focus of the church changes it is time to do something. It seems like after the church purchase the land it go to every time the sermon would be preached and offering was taking up all you heard was money, money. I kept doing my thing with media and helping with the different camps also with vbs. I was there for the kids and helping and not for a number for the church. This was one thing I started noticing was everything they started doing was for numbers. I also notice that membership started falling; in the services there were less. The messages were not full of life like they once were; it was football or sports thrown into the message when it should have not been. To me they got plan out boring with no fire in them. In the media group it got to where it was ran like a corporate office, to where everything had to be perfect. To me this was not right, this was a church; a place to worship God, not to glorify man and make him look good either on screen or TV. This kept going for a while until I would only go to Sunday school then home. On some Sundays that I would not have to help with media I would find excuses not to go. On times we did have a program I loved going and helping, this was my mission.

Backing up just a bit in the media I done this for a year then got out because my heart was not in it and it was like a job. Here I was had a schedule to keep and on the days I had to work it but in my mind I hated it. I finally told them I was done and walked out. Now I left on very good terms told them I needed a break and wanted to go back to Sunday school.

My wife and kids had been going to Sunday school and I had been working media so we came to church in separate vehicles. So here I was finally able to go with them as a family and it was nice. Now I was still more faithful than I had been and I was still growing in my spiritual life.

Around 2009, I remember going to church Sunday to Sunday and I had not been in the media group nor talked too much to the guys. So I got to where I would go and talk some, they would ask me when you coming back and I would tell them not yet. This would go on for a while until I finally told them yes I would come back and help. So here I go back to media… I believe I done it for another year or so. What was sad is that nothing had changed but to me gotten worst about how they wanted to do things, still wanted everything perfect. I wanted to tell the preacher this was church, a place to worship God and not a corporate office. Anyway I remember we did the July 4 musical it was a big success then but then we had the Christmas musical coming up I started helping with it but this time I was watching actions of everyone. What I saw was not what I wanted to be a part of helping. It is like having all the bosses in the room trying to make decisions and trying to prove who is better. I got to the point I got sick of it and it was a week or two before the Christmas program and I told them I quit. I walked out, this time for good. I never got back into the media at that church. Eventually others quit because of similar situations.

I wonder sometimes was this Gods plan for me to get see what was going on so I could move on. It is one of those questions you are not sure at that moment, because sometimes it takes other things to happen before you see the truth.

 

Upon walking out it was like a burden lifted off me, I was free to do what I wanted. I could go to Sunday school and go to worship and not worry about anything except for what I was there for.

Time goes by… tic toc tic toc…an hour glass you can see. I went back to Sunday school tried to get back into it, done the functions they had but something was still missing. I did not know exactly but just did not feel right. I would have people say hello Ken how are you, do that little smile like people do, but in my mind I knew it was all fake. Because outside that church I never got a phone call or invited too many things unless they needed someone to do something. I had seen this pattern before, but if I mentioned it I was shot down and told you just imaging things, but I knew I wasn’t. Well I continue to do my norm, VBS, kids Kamp and went with the nail benders trip until that day came. You had those days or weeks or months. Where is everyone when you need them……I call them fake friends.

“The Final Blow”

“BOOM”, hear that, the sound of change coming. Every one of us needs it at some time or the other. July 2010, never fails I go to the MEA for something small and it ends up big. I have had heart issues over the last few years and 1 of 2 times I go to the MEA my heart is out of rhythm. I went to the MEA because of a cough I could not get over and when they went to take my blood pressure they could not get a reading. I remember the doctor coming in and telling me I need to go. I told her I will call my doctor and go from there. The doctor at the MEA had already gotten the paper work together for the ER so when and if I show it would be done. I go home tell my wife I need to call my heart doctor, so I did. Well of course they say come in and let’s check you out. When I get to the hospital they put me in a room give me some stuff to slow my heart rate. It helps some but well enough. The person that was checking the monitor looked at me and ask how long this been going on, I told him about a week. He looked at me and said I should be dead with beats per minute. It was like 170/80 or something like that. They put me in room and there I sat, this was on a Saturday. The family shows up and sits with me that day and that night my wife went home to go to church the next day. She goes to Sunday school and told everyone that I was in the hospital. I am sure they ask where and all that…

The next day my kids and wife show back up. Well by then my parents had told their church about me. I had not been at their church except for few times to visit and thought nothing about it. I had tried to get my wife to go but did not have any interest, so I never pursue it. I am laying up there Sunday and started to get visits and a couple of phone calls. I got two calls from friends of the media and one visit from the music director of First Baptist Brandon. I got a visit from Bob and Sarah Hudson; they are like parents to me. I always call Sarah my second mom. Anyway my parents get there and tell me that they have gotten an overwhelming amount of phone calls from their church, Brandon Baptist Brandon. I told them I had not gotten any calls from ours. Anyway about that time while my family was there David Prevost of Brandon Baptist shows up to visit me.

IMPRESSION

With David showing up put more impression on me than any other person visiting me. I was not even a member of this church. For a church staff member to show up and visit a non-member blew me away. He visited a few minutes and then he left, but not without praying over me. I believe a couple more people came and saw me but that was it.

The next day came and I was really ready to get out of there. We had finally found the cause of my heart issues after looking at treating it for a few years. The doctor came in explain, I got my papers and left. What was weird is that Monday the company had given us that day off because we reach a goal. I end up in the hospital…great way to spend a day off.

I later learn Dr. Cooper of Brandon Baptist had come to visit me that Monday I left and that I’ve already checked out. He did catch up with me at church, showing concern, ask how everything was going. He also mentioned his issue with his internal organs, how they were on opposite sides. This impressed me.

Once I got home I was feeling better but a little steaming. You see outside the prayers and visits I received from Brandon Baptist it was amazing that not one person from my Sunday school came to visit me. What angered me more than anything was Misty had told them, to their face and no one cared.

Well this was not the last of this because you see the Monday I got out of the hospital was the week of VBS at First Baptist Bradon. You remember me saying I always helped with it. Anyway I felt good and wanted to go up there, so here I go. Still in back of my mind I was disappointed in my Sunday school class. But once I get there to find her she is at her class, the one she was helping with and luckily the class I was supposed to be teaching was just up the hall. I poke my head in and listen to the guy who was teaching, well the person I had help last year told me this guy was so boring she got up and walked out. After listening to him he had very little experience working with little kids. You see you have to act like a kid to teach kids; otherwise they will get nothing out of it. I had told them I could take over the class but the guy teaching said he had it would not give it up, so I left that alone.

After that I walked on out to find my son and daughter, on my way to find him I had some from the Sunday school see me and say heard you were in the hospital then ask how I was doing. “This is the only response, even until this day; I have never received a phone call or card in the mail stating they were praying for me or concerned.

“The thing that crawled my skin”

Once I found my son he was riding a horse and I was watching him, well Dr. Scott, the preacher of First Baptist Brandon, walks up to me and said he was going to come see me because he heard I was in the hospital but then he said these words “But I see you are out now so I guess I won’t” said hope you doing better turned around and walked off and started a long conversation to another person who had horses there. He never once asked what happen nor what did they do. He spoke to me like I was just another person in the wind. I was not in his sight most high should I say. I did not fit in his group. For you see one thing I had always notice about him is that he points out the important people, not knowing the ones that sit back and are quite do a lot more work than he will ever know.

I remember looking at Misty and telling her that S.O.B. he could care less what happens. It really pissed me off. She looked at me and more less said do not worry. I thought to myself after the time I have given to this church and this is how they treat you. My hair was crawling on my neck. After this I left, I could not focus on anything else after what just happen.

I told Misty that I was done with that church that they do not care about anything but themselves. I told her I will not go back there because the Sunday school class have their pets, the preacher has his pets I am done. The END…..

“God Has Plans July 2010”

God was not done with me, even though I was mad at the church and how some of the members act he wasn’t finished.

I told you that I had visited Brandon Baptist some well that church popped back into my mind. Well I knew my parents went there but something told me to try there. I told Misty that following Sunday or the following Sunday that I was going to visit that church.

I visited the church and too hear traditional hymns were a joy. I had listened to contemporary Christian music for so long that I forgot the sound. I remember the first Sunday in there the red chairs, carpet and the stain glass of Jesus and hear a real organ play. I was overwhelm with everything and thought to myself I could get come to like this.

The service was going well then Dr. Cooper got up and started preaching. I had never heard a message like this, the power in his voice. First thing I notice was he did not get off the message he stay on course with it. He put my sense into his to where I could visualize what he was saying. I never lost focus while listening to him. This is something I had not seen or felt in a long time. You see before after a few minutes of preaching I was bored and my mind wondering of what I was going to do that day. I went home that day refreshed and fulfilled. I knew in my mind I would be back.

I told my wife and kids about it and that I would go back. What is funny I went back Sunday after Sunday and went more there I did my old church. I got to where I felt God telling me this is where I want you to worship. As each Sunday came I felt more and more part of this church. The Sunday school class at Brandon Baptist had already put me on role permanent it was just a matter of me moving my letter. I took the kids with me when they would come, but I could and still can’t get my wife, Misty, to come. But beside that I continue going and I felt God calling me to join the church. Then I woke up that one Sunday and something felt different about me. God told me to join the church today; this is where I want you to worship me. I went to Sunday school and I could feel my heart pounding, for I knew what this meant and was for, it was for me to join. I went to worship at the 10:30 service and remember walking to the front and sat down by Hunter, a guy I got to know on one of the Nail Bender trips. He said no one was sitting there so I sat by his family. My parents had no clue of what I was going to do and did not find out until after church when someone called them at home to tell them. I told them awhile back that I would do this when they weren’t in there. Anyhow when the first chord hit on the organ I walked down and joined the church. My heart went from pounding to rejoice. The preacher looked at me and said welcome home and it felt like home.

Just a note, this was really the first time I had ever joined a church and felt like God wanted me there. In the pass when we would join because we felt like this is where we needed to be. This time was different, I feel like God guided me here.

I visited Brandon Baptist for 10 months before joining. I had told my mom that I would join before I went on the Nail Bender trip June 2011. May 22, 2011 I joined the church. I joined because of a calling not because of the trip. I paid my money for the Nail Bender trip that morning then that night I had the check given back to me. Mack told me that church members don’t pay. I knew this was from God at that moment because no other way could I be able to keep 120.00. It was 60 for me and 60 for my son. When I told Mach my son was not a member he said we will work it out.

Since this day as I am typing Sept. 14, 2011 @ 2:20 I have only been back on the grounds of FBC only once, Oct. 2011 for Trunk or Treat. No one has ever called or visited, even after I stopped going… nothing unless they see me…But God placed me in a church that reminds me of the church I grew up in. Now how ironic is that.. ONLY GOD!!!!

“There is Hope for everyone”

Since joining God has worked in my life, he has giving me hope and a purpose. I continue growing in Him as we all know no human is perfect we all have issues and things we need to work on. Don’t let anything discourage you from doing anything. Even in rough times just pray and have F.A.I.T.H. He will get you through it regardless of the situation. He has me and he will show himself if you let Him.

Without my Christian parents I would not be where I am today. But without their persistence of pushing us to church and the righteous way I would have ended up dead. But with the guidance from them with the help of God I am where I am today, for this is my testimony.

GOD BLESS YOU